THE LAST CIGARETTE

When I see you stretched on the floor
with that expression that seems to tell me
I lie to you because I love you.

I tell myself I’ll buy you a black dress
when I see you naked and a new pair
of shoes and some expensive perfume.

But when you fall asleep I write
these lines that walk slowly
across your body in dirty boots.

When I feel your wounded breath
as if you were a last cigarette
before smoking was forbidden.

I know what your eyes saw
when with an absent gaze
you fled to no man’s land.
I know how hard it is to feel nothingness
when you are the edge of the abyss
and calm is a whisper in the distance.
I know what it is to ask god for life
and believe in nothing.
I know what it is like to feel alone
when everything around is silent
and you only hear the sound
of silence adrift.
I know what it is to feel love and hate
in the uncertainty of desire
if what you write is forgotten in an instant.
Like having everything and having nothing.
Writing a poem and nothing.
Your name below and you are no one.

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